Some Quotes
"The surest protection against temptation is cowardice."
-- Mark Twain
"Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest."
-- Mark Twain
"The best portion of a good man's life, his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love."
-- Wordsworth
"Consistency is the last resort of the unimaginative."
-- Oscar Wilde
"The hardest thing in the world is watching the person you love love someone else."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-- Albert Einstein
"If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research."
-- Wilson Mizner
"Smoking helps you lose weight - one lung at a time"
-- A. E. Neumann
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
-- Charles Duell, Director of U.S. Patent Office, 1899
"Fame lost its appeal for me when I went into a public restroom and an autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door."
-- Marlo Thomas
"Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
-- Groucho Marx
"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier...just as long as I'm the dictator..."
-- George W. Bush
"Firings will continue until morale improves."
-- The Management
"Spock, the women on your planet are logical. No other planet in the galaxy can make that claim."
-- James Tiberius Kirk
"Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb."
-- Dark Helmet
"Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral."
-- Reverend Lovejoy
"If I was that drunk, I would have remembered it."
-- Homer Simpson
"Pleasure is the disease, Pain is the cure. "
-- Lilith
"One world, One web, One program" -- Microsoft Ad
"Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer" -- Adolf Hitler
"Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do."
"It's not the fall that kills you, it's the landing."
"Law of Continuity: Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail the same way."
"My Superiority complex is better than yours."
"Give a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll we warm for the rest of his life."
"Eagles may soar, but at least weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"A computer without Microsoft is like ice cream without ketchup."
"Love thine enemies...it really ticks them off."
"The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors."
"Never argue with an idiot... they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience every time."
"The major problem-one of the major problems, for there are several-one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.
"To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. To summarize the summary of a summary: people are a problem."
--Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
"Infinite: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow, that's big," time. Infinity is just so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here."
--Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
"It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average Population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination."
--Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe